I’ve taken a big step back the last couple years. Have you ever just felt like you wanted to disappear? Me too. All the time. I’m here to tell you, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your body knows what you need, sometimes it’s just difficult to listen. I spent years ignoring the signals my body was telling me. Slow down. Rest. Take care of yourself. Do something other than work. That’s what was constantly ringing through my head, but I didn’t listen.
Long story short, overworking started causing a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. I actually didn’t know that’s what it was until I started counseling. I remember knowing deep down that something was wrong, wondering what it was, and finally deciding to try counseling. I thought, maybe they could figure out what was wrong with me? I won’t get too deep into that side of things, but I wish I wouldn’t have put off counseling for as long as I did. After 2 years meeting with my counselor weekly, I’m actually happy. Deeply happy and content. I still own my own business and I still live in my own little apartment. So what changed?
When things change inside you, things change around you.
Speaking from a Scar, not a Wound
There were so many times I wanted to share about my journey publicly, but I knew deep down, I wasn’t ready yet. Personally, I prefer to speak from a scar, not a wound. What I mean by this is, I don’t want to talk about something I’m going through, until after I’ve healed from it. Conversations about current emotional wounds are reserved for Jesus and my counselor. Establishing this boundary for myself has brought so much peace.
Boundaries
It’s a lot harder to set a boundary after it’s been crossed. If you know what you will and won’t tolerate, speak up, stick to it, and don’t feel guilty about it. Setting boundaries and expectations first always makes the rest go smoother. This goes for personal situations and work. Assuming someone knows what you need or want is a recipe for disaster. Be open and honest up front, they will appreciate it and you can thank yourself later.
As I started improving my mental health, I started spending less time working and more time having fun. Well, at first, I honestly didn’t know how to have fun. I told my counselor, outside of work, I had no idea what I truly enjoyed anymore. I would work for as long as I possibly could, then when my brain just couldn’t keep going, I'd binge watch shows and go to sleep. Just to do it all again the next day.
Who are YOU
Once I began to set boundaries with my work, I realized I needed something else to fill the time with. If I stopped working at 5pm, what was I to do the rest of the night? At first, I was still dealing with some anxiety, so I didn’t really want to go out. My counselor challenged me to keep a list of things I enjoyed doing. I remember staring at a blank note on my phone and not even knowing what to list first. Slowly but surely, I started trying new things. I found things I didn’t like and I found things I did like.
New Hobbies
I can remember when I was just a little insecure middle schooler, walking around my living room, jamming out to Jump 5, Relient K, and Hawk Nelson. I LOVED singing, but it was too scary to sing in front of anyone. Anytime my family wasn’t home I would sing my heart out the whole time. I still love to sing, but not in front of anyone. This was something that made the list right away. It’s also a great way to get rid of anxiety too :). I started trying a lot of new things like rollerskating, flying drones, and gardening. I even started trying new things in my business. The last 18 months I’ve gotten really obsessed with SEO (Search Engine Optimization).
My latest obsession has been looking at things under my microscope! I’d gotten really into watching videos about this last Fall, so Christian got me one for Christmas. It's been SO FUN. It’s an entirely new world under there! Trying new things has really brought my joy back. If you need to spice up your life try something you never have before, travel somewhere you've never been, try a restaurant you've never tried, make a new friend, try a new hobby – there's no wrong way to try something new. Just find things you can do simply because YOU enjoy them.
If you liked this post, you'll probably like some of the recent quotes I've saved to Pinterest:
Here's a shot I got on my drone. I had the drone sitting on a rock before I took it off. The water looked so peacefully still. This shot was my favorite of the day. This is a reminder for me, that beauty, joy, and peace can be found in the places we least expect it – like sitting on a rock, in the middle of a park, on a cold winter day.